Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
