i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
