I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Randomize
