An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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