You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
