Need sex. Gaining weight.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
