dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
