I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize