How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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