i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize