During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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