Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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