what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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