Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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