Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im holly from the hills drunk
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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