Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
