That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
