my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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