she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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