You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to calm my uterus...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
