Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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