I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
