Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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