Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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