Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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