im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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