so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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