His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
