i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize