I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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