We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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