could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
