What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
