Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
