sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
