My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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