it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
