Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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