He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
