Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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