God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
