Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
