when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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