nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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