Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Come see our sink grown plant.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
