we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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