bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
