Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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