Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
