shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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