I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
