I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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