This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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