cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
