No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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