I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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