She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The beers last night were like the tears from god
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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