i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i drank out of a bidet.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
FUCK WHALES
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize