I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
