My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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