So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
