That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
