There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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