Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
