i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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