What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
