My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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