Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
