There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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