please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
