Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
