I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
