saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
